ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
