porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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