Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
