Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
how does that bad decision feel?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
