dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
