whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
