i think my mom watched the whole time
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
