Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
