What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
no you cant smoke seaweed
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
