Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
