hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
