It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Someone came in the potted fern
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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