WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
