I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
