i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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