creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize