I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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