Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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