I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
