you turned your livingroom into a bong?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
