Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
They took my balls.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
