we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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