allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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