Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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