im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Is it penis luge time yet?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
