if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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