I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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