At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
