i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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