jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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