I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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