I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
