Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
