i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
