she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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