when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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