I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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