I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Success! We fucked roommates!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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