3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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