I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
