We won't sleep together?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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