you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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