I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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