saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
