Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
