Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
