mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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