I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
