hotel room ftw
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
