woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
