mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
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I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
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Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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