My nipple is on Facebook.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
