I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
