i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
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You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
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That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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