if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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