After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I did not marry a roomba.
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