Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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