4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
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The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
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In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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