If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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