fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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