Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
