she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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