I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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